Silence discombobulates me. It is suffocating yet spacious. It makes me visit memories too painful to relive. It makes me leave memories too painful to dwell in. The mirror in the corner filtered blurry reflections of a stranger so familiar. It makes me open my arms wide to let the reflection in… wide open like a can of worms. And the thought made me sick to my stomach – I have to heave words even if I don’t know what verses to spew out next… because it is only in my written world that I am not skewered to the decrees of fate.
Yes, I have cried and I cried indiscriminately. I am just apprehensive that in addition, I might create this pattern of continually crying even when destiny hands me the gift of laughter on a silver platter. Has anyone ever been given salvation only to be condemned and imprisoned for life? Has anyone ever turned algid when they are at their boiling point? Or simply put… have you asked for the sun only to be given an endless torrent of rain?
I stared at the hazy mirror and saw a reflection. Of course I recognize her! Every line on her face is mine. Every expression is mine. Every movement is mine. Then I looked outside the window and saw birds passing through the clouds… and they cast an eerie shadow imitating the idea of a soul. I gazed at the mirror again but the girl was gone… and there stood a woman with eyes that spoke of adventures far beyond the realms of normalcy. I don’t know her but something is telling me to open my soul and let her in. I did… and she fit like a glove. So right that I think she could have been me. Or maybe… she was me and I will be her. I still don’t know her… but she feels so right I don’t want to let go.
Silence can discombobulate a person. Today, it distorted me.
ka deeeep ba ani shang di gud ko ka fathom! hehehe bitaw nice kaayo but seems so gloomy man ang message from within oi…don’t take things so seriously just be happy!!!
wala lang koy lingaw when i wrote this, marj. mingaw kaayo sa apartment ba then kalit lang nisulod ni nga mga words sa akong hunahuna. anyway, don’t worry. i am okay. in fact, i wrote another blog entitled “NEVER A STARLESS NIGHT”. wala pa lang mahuman. positive to nga blog. kabalo baya ka nga murag pendulum akong emotional status. hehehe. gipakatawo man gyud siguro ko nga drama queen. hahaha!
mas makasulat bitaw kog blogs when i am sad. kun happy ko noh kay murag walay words nga mogawas sa akong hunahuna. as they say, the mind goes blank when the heart is full.
miss you, marj!!!