“You can take the girl out of the beach
but you can’t take the beach out of the girl.”
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October 26, 2007 4:55 pm
Some people are like the northern star – pointing our way into God’s loving arms.
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Silence discombobulates me. It is suffocating yet spacious. It makes me visit memories too painful to relive. It makes me leave memories too painful to dwell in. The mirror in the corner filtered blurry reflections of a stranger so familiar. It makes me open my arms wide to let the reflection in… wide open like a can of worms. And the thought made me sick to my stomach – I have to heave words even if I don’t know what verses to spew out next… because it is only in my written world that I am not skewered to the decrees of fate.
Yes, I have cried and I cried indiscriminately. I am just apprehensive that in addition, I might create this pattern of continually crying even when destiny hands me the gift of laughter on a silver platter. Has anyone ever been given salvation only to be condemned and imprisoned for life? Has anyone ever turned algid when they are at their boiling point? Or simply put… have you asked for the sun only to be given an endless torrent of rain?
Life is crazy this week. The apartment is a mess. Dishes are piling up in the sink. Dirty clothes in the hampers. Garbage bins not emptied. Bed unmade. Mails unopened and unsorted. Calls not returned. Dates canceled. Paperworks undone. BUT! My heart is full. I hope yours is too.
I am simply “chillaxing” this time. I deserve this ultimate state of chill and relaxation. And where else for me to go but the park? As my friend, Dindee, shared with me: “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.” So, let’s chillax!
I was a bona fide cellphone junkie when I was in the Philippines. A large chunk of my paycheck went to my cellphone bills and it didn’t really bother me at all. You can call me anytime, text me anytime. Even texting me at 2am is fine. “Texpert” me would reply in a few seconds even with my eyes closed. A mobile phone, for me, is one of the best conveniences of the modern world by far. But then, it can also be one of the best inconveniences in this day and age if you don’t know how to make it work for you.
There are quite a number of people out there who are incapable of letting a ringing phone go unanswered. I used to be one. But lately, I have learned to turn a deaf ear to the sound of a phone ringing. I have reached a point in my life when I realized that just because it is convenient for someone to call me at this specific time doesn’t necessarily mean it is convenient for me to answer.
Have you had weeks where you felt soooooooo busy and yet you really were not achieving anything worthwhile? Well, this week is one of those weeks for me. But I could also attribute it to 4th of July sandwiched in the middle of the week, leaving me in an extended holiday mood.
And I didn’t feel like bringing my blue lunchbox to work either. I ate out most of the time this week and that is not a good idea because I tend to overeat when I dine outside. My American friends only laugh when I mention anything about me gaining weight or my attempts at dieting. But that is only because they are so used to seeing big people but every time I send pics to my friends back in the Philippines they always say: “Girl, you’ve gained weight!” So now… I’m torn. LOL! Talk about petty issues.
This happened while I was at work last week. I didn’t really think that I was going to get bruised but when I woke up the following day with my left arm and knee all black and blue and sore, it was then that I realized I got hurt.
How many times in our lives have we uttered these words “I am okay” only to find out later on that we really are not? How many times have someone wounded you only to see after a while that he/she will leave a permanent scar?
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can’t go on
‘Cause the world will not defeat you
When we’re side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
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A friend of mine shared with me his experience last weekend and I was touched by the depth of its simplicity.
He was walking down the boulevard and saw a man trying to fly a kite in the rain. He told himself that this man was attempting something that is impossible because the rain will definitely weigh the kite down. He was utterly amazed at the man’s persistence – sending his reflective soul to search for a deeper meaning.
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